An Apology
The person who sent me a modified receipt during my last special sent me an apology.
He said it was wrong of him, he’s ashamed of his behavior, enjoys reading my blog, is a customer of one of my courses, and said that he needed to read Terry Dean’s Internet Integrity book.
He said he is sorry, and promises not to lie to me in the future, and is asking me to accept his deepest apologies.
What do you think about that?
Currently, I do not have a policy set up for fraudulent behavior. I have a some options though.
- Do I accept his apology?
- Do I just ban him?
- Or both?
What do you think?
- Aaron Brandon
Aloha,
My policy is to always accept apologies.
There is simply no way to determine the intent of a person.
I do always add people who commit fraud to my banned list.
However, I think it is important to have a process that allows for repentance and the ability to get off a banned list.
We all make mistakes. I sure have made some evil choices in my life (leading to homelessness). Fortunately most people have a process for forgiveness and I was able to rebuild my life often with the same people I defrauded in my drug addiction days (ie: my mom, sister, niece, nephew, employer, pre-addiction friends, etc).
Repentance requires action though. He damaged your business. To take him off your banned list, he should be willing to take an action to make that right.
You can calculate the damage. You know how much time it took to deal with his fraud. Then it just comes down to money (if you believe his apology is sincere).
I personally prefer to keep that monetary value to myself and allow them to suggest a monetary value to pay retribution. If they monetary value is lower than mine, then they stay on the banned list. If it is higher, then I refuse the amount over the actual amount of damages and remove them from my banned list.
I don’t forget though. Even though they are removed from the banned list, I keep a sharp eye on them for future fraud.
If the damages are not monetary, then I often can’t remove them from my banned list. I posted once giving an example of a babysitter who had my child in the middle of the road when I came to pick them up. I would never take my child back to that babysitter regardless of the apologies and any kind of retribution she could propose.
I would however accept her back into my life in other ways that didn’t include potential harm to my child. For instance, if she had been a friend before the incident or an employee or whatever… I wouldn’t discontinue all relationships if she had sincerely repented.
Those are just my policies based on my life experience. As you said, you’ll have to come up with your own.
Regards,
-Diego
Comment by Diego — March 17, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hey Aaron,
I just got done reading a little book called, “Screw it, Let’s Do It” by Richard Branson (Virgin Record/Atlantic fame) and in it he tells the story of when he was thrown into jail for cheating the British Government out of tax money.
From that, he learned his lesson, swore to become an honest businessman in all his future dealings and eventually became a billionaire. He got a second chance.
I think if this person took the time to send you an apology (as embarrassing as that must have been) and you thought it was sincere, you should accept the apology and hope he learned his lesson. He might even go on to have a successful internet business and owe it all due to your forgiving, benevolent guidance. (well maybe not all, but I’m sure it will have been a big part and it should at least make YOU feel good)
Just my two cents…
Comment by Michael Hartman — March 17, 2008 at 2:30 pm
If you believe he is sincere you should accept his apology and forgive. We are never stronger or more like our maker than when we forgive those who have wronged us.
Comment by Denver — March 17, 2008 at 2:50 pm
While confession and forgiveness is great, the consequences of this individual’s actions still to be dealt with.
Words also only go so far. Was there any talk of restitution?
Also keep in mind that you’re running a business, not a confessional…
Definitely forgive (it’s best for you), but don’t forget.
–Tom
Comment by Tom Brownsword — March 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm
imho accept the apology and move on – forgive and forget.
Bans take time and effort to enforce. But so do dealing with issues like fraud. I guess it depends on how much you feel you can trust this person not to act fraudulently in the future.
Comment by Brent Hodgson — March 17, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Having a background in fraud investigation and recovery of damages, I find Diego’s method of handling these situations both practical and ethical. Two key points about Diego’s approach:
1. Anyone who hasn’t yet read Diego’s post about Repentance should do so: http://www.jamesbrausch.org/repentance/.
2. Making a decision in advance about to handle fraud when it happens simplifies dealing with these situations when they occur.
Gary
Comment by Gary — March 17, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Hi Aaron.
The person owned up to his mistake and did what many don’t do and apologized. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but by being the better man you can lead by example.
Jimmy
Comment by Jimmy Adames — March 17, 2008 at 9:30 pm
The fact the “perp” has apologised is enough to put the matter to bed. Just make sure you create a procedure along the “two strikes & you’re out” type of ethic.
Obviously your system needs updating PDQ.
Comment by Derek — March 18, 2008 at 6:27 am
[...] http://www.aaronbrandon.com/an-apology/ [...]
Pingback by The Kaizen Business › Fraud — March 18, 2008 at 8:24 am
It’s an internal problem, both for your business and personally. The far reaching effects of corruption take their toll on emotions probably 1000% more than any actual effect on your livelihood. Some people blog about business problems they are having with .001% of their readers and feel the need to spread the gloom with a shovel every time it crops up. Then they end up treating all people around them as scum and dirtbags just waiting to pounce. It may feel that way, but that’s not reality.
Don’t give it a second thought. Or at least stop at the third thought.
Comment by Chas — March 19, 2008 at 11:07 am
Very cool blog, Aaron. Thanks for interesting reading.
I always try to accept apologies
Comment by Tender — April 4, 2008 at 1:41 am